vampires of san francisco 08 - merry sucking christmas Read online

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  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used facetiously. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or to events or locations, is entirely coincidental.

  Cover art by Marik Berghs copyrighted © 2015.

  Copyright © 2015 by Jessica McBrayer

  ISBN 13: 978-1-942569-03-9

  Published by Mess of Geckos Publishing

  810 Seaview Drive, El Cerrito, CA 94530

  Other Books by Jessica McBrayer

  Stained Series

  Stained

  Murder of Crows

  Raven’s Tale

  San Francisco Vampire Series

  Sucking in San Francisco

  Hell Hounds are for Suckers

  Sucking Bites

  Suckers go to Hell

  Suckers Bite Back

  Little Suckers Bite Too

  Suckers Lost and Found

  Merry Sucking Christmas

  Audibles

  Sucking in San Francisco

  Hell Hounds are for Suckers

  Sucking Bites

  Suckers Go To Hell

  Stained

  Murder of Crows

  Raven’s Tale

  To the best fans in the world!

  I love you

  And

  For Hannah

  Of Course

  1. Diel

  I can’t believe Hannah thinks that I would be okay with celebrating at Christmas with Midnight Mass. I mean, I’m a Demon - Christmas has always been a secular thing in my family. We thrived on giving gifts and my parents tried to outdo each other and the neighbors. As Demon royalty it was expected. As much as I would do anything for Hannah, I won’t spontaneously combust for her. Consecrated ground equals BBQ.

  This will be my first Christmas without my parents or going to Hell. It will also be the first Christmas for the twins. Lily and Sebastian’s little girl, Mathilda, will be with us and Aidan and Manda’s son, Samuel, is just turning two month’s old. I for one am planning on lots of gift giving.

  I don’t mind that we’re not going to see my parents, oops I mean parent. Now that my mom is gone my dad has taken up with a girl younger than I am. He’s creating a spectacle. I have absolutely no fucking desire to see him. Besides all that, I couldn’t put Hannah and the twins through the circus, especially after what my parents tried to do to Han.

  “Why are you sitting there staring off into space, Diel?” Hannah asks as she comes in my office.

  Our new house in Pacific Heights has a view of the ocean. I love looking out my office window at the scene. Han and I like to leave our balcony window open to hear the surf at night.

  “Just thinking about Christmas this year. It will be the first without my parents.”

  “Do you want to go to Hell and spend it with your dad?” Her voice changes just enough to let me know that she really doesn’t want to do it. It means a lot to me that she would even suggest it.

  “No, especially not with Celine in the picture. I’ll shave my head if she’s a day over five hundred.” I rub my hand over my face in frustration but don’t miss the breath that Hannah blew out.

  “You know I would have done it but I’m glad you don’t want to.”

  I pull her into me and wrap my arms around her and bring her onto my lap. She kisses my head and I breathe in her scent. Just then the twins, Finn and Fiona, tumble into the office. I have an open door policy. Usually the twins play around my feet. Hades, our Hell Hound, trots in behind them and promptly pulls Finn away from the fireplace where a large fire blazes. The kid takes after me. He loves fire. His little Demon powers are starting to manifest. He was able to find his mommy’s keys the other day. I wonder if he will be able to find lost things including treasure. This ability has made me quite wealthy.

  “Good hound, Hades,” Hannah says while absently petting Hades on the head. “Would it really be so bad to go to mass?”

  “I might burst into flames. Do you want to chance that?”

  “Um, no. No way in Hell.”

  “Yeah. Me neither. I know Sebastian wants to also. You can go with him and Lily and I’ll hang out with Julian and Helena. We’re still planning on going there for Christmas Eve, right?”

  “Yes. We want to get all the kids together for it and then we’ll have a quiet Christmas morning with the twins. Or as quiet as possible,” she says with a grin. Hannah scoops up Fiona before she can pull herself up with Hades’ tail.

  I grab Finn before he gets to the fire again. We take the kids to the living room and sit them down in the corner with a bunch of their favorite toys we keep downstairs. They have a playroom upstairs next to their shared bedroom. They scream if we separate them at night. We’re not sure how long that will be but for now, it’s just easier to keep them together.

  “What are we going to give Andrew and Liam? They are the only ones left to buy for,” Han says with her hands on her hips.

  “I’ve been thinking of that. There is a cruise line that specializes in gay cruises. They have mixers, drag shows, educational classes and of course all the other stuff that goes with a cruise. I thought we could buy them a trip to the Bahamas on one of their cruises.”

  Our friend Liam was turned into a werewolf. He accidently turned Lily, too. To ease his symptoms he was turned into a vampire. Andrew and Liam had fallen in love so Andrew was turned vampire at the same time.

  “Ooh, that would be awesome! Send me the link and I’ll set it all up and airfare. Andrew and Liam need a grown-up break from all the babies. They adore them but they are a young couple in love. They need to get away once in a while,” she says. When she smiles her whole face lights up including the sparkle in her eyes. “Does it leave in the evening so they can get on before they fall asleep?”

  “Yes. I checked all that out.”

  I pull out my phone and email her the link. I notice Finn eyeing my phone. The little fire boy loves playing with it. Only problem, besides the drool, is that he always manages to change every setting I have on there. He even prank dialed Hell one time. I have no idea how he entered the right “country” code. I don’t think it was random. He is going to give us a challenging time.

  Fiona, on the other hand, is just as sweet as can be. She still prefers blood, like her momma, to human food but tolerates food just fine. Finn likes food more than blood. It’s still too early to make assumptions, Dr. Green says, but I’m noticing their personalities starting to really shine through. There are other half-vampire, half-Demon kids out there so there is some precedence. We have a great pediatrician.

  “So, we’re done buying for the year? Not bad, we only have a week left,” I say and laugh. “Nothing like waiting til the last minute.”

  “Speak for yourself. I’ve been planning for the last two months. I just didn’t have a chance to get out and shop until you guys took all the babies. Lily, Manda, and I shopped like crazy that day. I still have one thing to pick up.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Never mind, mister.”

  “Ahh, it’s something for me, isn’t?” I pull her down onto my lap again and run my hands through her hair as I
breathe in her scent again. She smells incredible. Always does. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” she asks while turning in my lap until she can put her arms around my neck. She has the cutest expression on her face. A half-smile, half-scrunchy nose.

  “For my present. Whatever it is. You and the kids are the only thing I want for Christmas.”

  “Me too, but I’m still buying you something.” She smiles down at me and I melt a little bit. Before long I’ll be a big pile of goo and have to take her upstairs to have my way with her.

  We’ve got a nanny of sorts, slash housekeeper. Annie, Lily’s helper, suggested her. Both Annie and Sacha, our nanny, were amazing finds. We couldn’t survive without a little help even though everyone in the family is ready to babysit at the drop of a hat. This way we can do some things with the rest of the family without the babies. It was hard at first to let go enough to be able to leave them with someone. But we eventually got there.

  “Hmm, is it sexy lingerie?”

  “That might be one of the presents. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

  “You are a naughty vixen. I can’t wait until Christmas now. Just thinking of you in something sexy does things to me.” Boy did it ever.

  “It can’t possibly be as good as imaging you naked.” She shivers in a good way. “You sexy man.”

  “Sexy,” Finn shouts. Hannah turns bright red in embarrassment. I laugh.

  “OMG so not cool, as Lily would say. How am I going to get him to stop saying that?”

  In the background, Finn is saying his new word over and over like a song. I laugh harder and kiss Han on the cheek.

  “It’s not a bad word. Don’t worry about it. He’ll just have all the girls drooling over him sooner than later. He’s such a handsome little devil. Fiona, on the other hand, better not even think about dating until she’s three hundred.”

  “Double standards much?”

  “Absolutely. A daddy’s prerogative.”

  “Hmph.”

  “Don’t hmph me, sexy woman.”

  Finn yells “sexy” again and I can’t keep the laugh away. Hannah scowls at me and picks up Finn to snuggle.

  “Can you picture him yelling that at mass?”

  “You’re right about that. If it can cause trouble, Finn is there in the middle of it. Besides, since you mentioned bursting into flames, I’ve rethought having my half-Demon children attend, too.” Now her perfect face wears a scowl. It is adorable.

  “I’m sorry, babe.”

  “Don’t even pretend that you are upset about not having to go to mass. I think you’ve been trying to make this Christmas not have any sort of spiritual resonance.”

  “You can’t blame me, hon. I was raised being told all kinds of horror stories about Christmas top side.”

  “I know. Well, I don’t know, but I can imagine.”

  “Those were the stories nightmares were made of and my parents gloried in telling them. Assholes.” I shake my head. “I wish I knew if I would BBQ or not but no Demon has been willing to try.”

  “I can understand that. Maybe Julian knows. We’ll have to ask him. If anyone would know it would be him. Maybe there is something on Voogle. I’ll look later.”

  “You go ahead and look, sweetheart, but I doubt I’ll change my mind.”

  “Hmph.”

  I put a kiss on her head and then go back to my office to finish up some work before I take the rest of the year off.

  2. Helena

  Julian has been driving me crazy with his Saturnalia celebrations. Just because he was Roman when he was human he thinks it’s his cultural duty to perpetuate the traditions. The babies have all gotten Saturnalia gifts and Julian and Andrew reversed roles for a day. Andrew absolutely loved that, milking it for all it was worth.

  Unfortunately, the Winter Solstice is the end of Saturnalia and so he is getting in my way as I try to prepare for the feast. Some of my Wiccan friends are coming over to celebrate as well as the rest of the family. I never understood Christmas. I respect the religion that came after. The god child was not even born then. But it has become something else. When you throw in all the commercial ramifications you lose everything natural about the season.

  “Surprise, my little slave girl.” Julian has been calling me that since the weeklong celebration started. I grit my teeth before answering him.

  “Good morning, dearest. What are you up to? You’ve got a twinkle in your eye and a bounce in your step.”

  He pulls his hand from behind his back to show me a beautifully wrapped present. I can’t help but smile. His exuberance is catching.

  “Is that for me?”

  “It is for the love of my life. If that’s you then you are in luck,” he says as he grins at me.

  “I don’t know, am I?”

  I reach for him, and brush my hands under one of the togas he’s been wearing, running my fingers across his nipple and eliciting a sigh from him.

  “Maybe I need to remind you that you are my woman and my love. Can’t live without you.”

  “Yes, I think I need reminding.”

  He drops the present and sweeps me off my feet, carrying me the short distance to the bed. He throws me down on the bed, making me bounce up and I laugh. I love how playful we can still be. In a nanosecond he is on top of me. He rips through my dress. A four hundred dollar dress, mind you. He is kissing me in every sensitive spot I have. That is the beauty of having a lover for as long as we’ve been lovers. You know everything about each other – you know what the other likes so the sex is outstanding.

  Julian comes up for air and moves a stray lock of hair off my neck, slowly kissing his way to my ear.

  “I love you more than my own life,” he whispers. A shiver runs through me and I tighten my arms around his neck. Who cares about the dress? I can always buy another one.

  An hour later we lay in a heap of blankets and sheets talking softly. I gasp when Julian leaps off the bed and retrieves his box. His eyes sparkle as he hands it to me. I gently unwrap the box. I can’t believe what is in it. A beautiful hooded cape in a deep purple velvet. It will be amazing to wear for rituals and for Solstice. It will keep me warm if I had to be sky clad and protect me from the elements when celebrating. It is one of the most thoughtful gifts. But that is Julian. He is always thinking of others, even when his head is buried in a book.

  “It is perfect. Thank you, my love. How did you know I needed one?”

  “Your goddess-child. She filled me in. Had to promise I would do some research for her but it was a good trade. She drives a hard bargain.” He lets out a short laugh and shakes his head.

  “I hope she didn’t take too much advantage of you.”

  “No, it only took about fifteen minutes of my time and was quite interesting. She was researching the original uses for one of the herbs she picked up in Africa. I was truly happy to oblige. In exchange for information, I got an idea of what you needed and a promise that I could have a cutting. It should do well in the solarium.”

  “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

  “I would have done five hundred hours of research in order to see the look in your eyes when you opened your present. Your happiness is my happiness.”

  “You crafty old vampire. You know what to say to me so I keep loving you for an eternity.”

  “I want you for at least that long,” he says and winks at me.

  3. Lilith

  I am so excited. Everywhere you go in the city you’re reminded of Christmas. It’s a glorious time of year. Christmas lights, Santas on the corners, and windows dressed out with toys and other high-ticket items. I am in retail heaven. I haven’t shopped so much since Mathilda was born. This will be her first Christmas, the first for all the babies. I’ve taken this seriously and shopped accordingly. Sebastian thinks I’m crazy. He keeps saying this isn’t “the reason for the season.”

  I get it. But the secular version is so much fun and I intend that our child know both traditions. I’ve enlisted Andr
ew and Annie. Between the three of us we have decked out both the manse and our humble abode in so much Christmas greenery you would be sure that the North Pole relocated. I’ve got pine boughs, holly and mistletoe hanging from every surface. A huge seven-foot pine dominates our living area and I bought an even bigger one for the manse. Helena begrudgingly allowed it. She told me that trees and pine boughs were part of the solstice decorations.

  Along with all the green, I’ve added an eggplant color with bulbs and ribbons. White lights finish things off. I also put a small tree in Mattie’s room with multi-colored lights and non-breakable decorations. She adores it. She’ll put her hand over one of the lights so her whole hand shines. She also throws her decorations on the floor no matter how many times we explain that she shouldn’t do that. Aidan baby-proofed the big tree after his son, Samuel, tried to climb it. The tree would have landed on him if Aidan hadn’t been expecting him to do something like that. Sammy is giving Aidan and Manda quite a run for the money. They are constantly on alert when he is awake.

  The twins are running everywhere and getting into anything they can. Poor Hannah and Diel. I don’t how they do it. Mattie is so calm and shy. When the other kids come over she opens up to them, especially baby Sammy. Those two have their own language that rivals the twins’. Aidan keeps hinting that they will someday get married. Goddess forbid. Sebastian got really pissed at that and Aidan just laughed. That led Bast to lay down the dating moratorium. No dating until she is sixty. We all laughed but he was serious and I think we hurt his feelings that no one took him seriously.

  I am getting a pedicure and having them paint my toes pale pink with a little Christmas tree on my big toes. They added a little bling as a star on the tree. I love my painted toes. I just have enough time to grab a smoothie before I need to be home. Annie is babysitting since she graduated just before Christmas break. But Sebastian will be home soon and we are going to the annual Christmas party at his night club, You Belong to Me. Annie and her friend Sacha are going to watch all the kids.